HIV impacts all of our lives -- positive and negative alike. News of the disease is all around us. Pictures of children, orphaned by AIDS, fill the pages of our magazines. Television speaks of the epidemic and the lives that it has taken. News reports share the bad news that another HIV vaccine has failed. The cold hard truth is our kids have probably heard of HIV and most likely have questions. These questions need to be addressed.
For that reason it's imperative that all parents talk with their children about HIV. Find out what they have heard, what they know, what they think they know, and how they feel about it. As difficult, uncomfortable, or confusing it may be, talking with your kids about HIV is essential. Your discussions now will provide a good foundation for future conversations about safer sex and HIV prevention. Let's take a look at how you can open a dialogue with your children about HIV and AIDS.
Take The Opportunity When it Presents Itself
The most difficult part of discussing HIV with your kids is getting started. How do you start a discussion about HIV? It's not as if it comes up in dinner conversation. The best way is to link the conversation with what's going on around your child. For instance, if the two of you see a television ad about HIV, start a conversation after, asking questions like "Have you heard of HIV?" and "What do you know about HIV?". This will get you started and will give you a clue as to just how much or how little your child knows about HIV. Keep in mind, your questions will be more effective if they are open-ended, meaning they are not yes-or-no questions.
Stick to the Facts and Make Them Age-Appropriate
Your discussion should start with the basics. Giving them the facts will dispel any myths that may be contributing to their confusion. Material should be delivered in an age-appropriate manner. A discussion of cell physiology will be too much for an 8-year-old. A few examples of what is age appropriate:
- Ages Up to 4 Years - Toddlers / Preschoolers - Children this age are just starting to learn about their body and the world around them. They don't yet understand illness, disease, or sex so these wouldn't be good topics to address. Instead, introduce them to the concept of sexuality by using the proper names of reproductive body parts. For instance, call your son's penis a penis and your daughter's vagina a vagina. Avoid terms like "willy", "thingy" or "flower" when discussing your child's body parts. Most importantly, make sure your child knows you are always open to discuss any topic. Getting that message across early will open up the paths of communication when they are older.
- "Son / daughter...you can ask me any question you like; I will always listen to your questions."
"Boys have penises, girls have vaginas."
- Ages 5 to 8 Years - School Age Children - This age group is just beginning to learn about illness, death and sex. Let them know that HIV is a serious illness that is caused by a virus. Many times, kids fear getting sick. Assure them HIV rarely affects children their age and their chance of getting HIV is extremely small.
- "HIV is a serious illness caused by a tiny germ called a virus."
"HIV is a serious illness but very few children get it."
- Ages 9 to 12 Years - Preteens - Kids this age are preoccupied with their own bodies. It's important that children this age get accurate information about sex before any HIV discussion can occur. An HIV discussion for this age must include safer sex and the role sex plays in transmission. Include the role IV drug needles play in HIV infection and the risks of casual sex. Finally, make certain preteens understand that decisions they make now about sex can have life-long consequences.
- "You can get HIV and other diseases by having sex without a condom."
"The decision to have sex without a condom may result in an illness that will be with you a lifetime."
"Having unprotected sex can put you at risk for getting HIV."
- Ages 13 to 19 Years - Teens - The typical teen is preoccupied with themselves, their image, and their social standing. Many are impulsive and feel they are indestructible. In their quest for independence they take risks, sexual risks included. HIV discussions should be frank and to the point. Remind your teen that anyone can get infected with HIV and that the disease does not discriminate according to race, sex, age, or social status. Make sure they understand that latex condoms are a must and are for more than preventing pregnancy. Emphasize the impact alcohol and drugs have on HIV risk -- it's difficult to make sound, healthy choices when under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Finally, remind them that you will listen if they want to talk and no subject is off limits. Provide an atmosphere that allows frank discussions about sex without a punitive response from you.
- "Having sex, including oral sex without condoms can result in HIV infection."
"Kids your age do get HIV and can die from AIDS."
"Alcohol and drugs makes it difficult to make healthy choices."
"HIV is for life - there is no cure."
"I'm always here if you need to talk about ANYTHING."
Be Prepared to Talk About Death
Most any discussion about illness or disease eventually includes the risk of dying. Like any discussion with children, the information must be delivered in an age-appropriate manner. Keep it simple in terms the child can understand. Explain that when someone dies they will not see them anymore. Avoid explaining death as sleep. This could lead to your child fearing bedtime or fearing if he falls asleep he will not wake up. Finally, let him know that people do die of HIV and AIDS but that the disease is preventable.Sources
- Margolese, S.; "Talking With Your Children About HIV: HIV Awareness for Children"; The Well Project; July 2005.
- National PTA; Talking with Kids About HIV/AIDS; 2003.
