Online Dating Safety

In this age of social networking, meeting people is no longer something you do only at bars and nightclubs. Online matchmaking sites, chat rooms, instant messaging, and social networking sites are bringing people together in greater numbers, allowing them to "meet" in cyberspace in the safe confines of their home, protected by the anonymity of the internet. But eventually, when it's time to take the next step and meet in person, safety becomes a concern. After all, how much do you really know about your new online acquaintance? From the first instant message to the first face-to-face meeting, you must take every precaution when meeting people online. This feature provides you with a few rules to keep you safe in the new online dating world.

Find the Right Dating Site for You

There are dozens of online dating sites, each catering to different interests and groups; including people who are HIV infected. With so many to choose from, you need to do your homework.

• How Much are you Willing to Spend?
  Some sites are free while others charge a fee. Keep in mind that paying a fee doesn't guarantee you will get a better site experience. And always be on the alert for sites that just want your money and give little in return.
• What Are You Looking For?
  If you're in your twenties, you may not want a dating site that caters to people over 40. If you're gay you may want to look for a site that caters to gay and bisexual singles. Finally, if you are HIV-positive, you may want a site devoted to HIV-positive people. Simply put, consider sites that offer what you are looking for in a date.
• What Type of Relationship are you Looking For?
  People visit dating sites for different reasons. Some are looking for friendship; some are looking for serious, long-term relationships, while others are looking for "hookups" or extra-marital relationships. Knowing what relationship you want will help narrow down your site choices.

Baby Steps to Start Off

If this is your first foray into the online dating scene, take it slow and easy. Browse many sites to see what they offer. Make certain you understand how to search for people; how others find you; and finally how you contact dating prospects. Visit a chat lobby or an open chat room and watch the conversations. Learn the tone of the site; how conversations progress and what topics are typically discussed. Is the site rated "G" or is any topic fair game? make certain you understand the site before jumping in with both feet.

Trust Your Feelings

If you frequent a dating site long enough chances are you will find someone you'd like to get to know better. Some sites match you based on character assessments you complete upon joining the site. Others let you find matches yourself. Either way, you will find someone who piques your curiosity. Unfortunately, for every genuine person on a dating website, there are as many or more dishonest people with questionable motives. During those initial conversations, be on the lookout for "red flags" -- those behaviors or discussions that give you a hint something isn't quite right. Trust your feelings; if it doesn't seem right it probably isn't. If someone sounds too good to be true they probably are.

Recognize the Red Flags

The fact of the matter is people are not always honest about who they are, what they look like, and whether they are married, single, divorced or widowed. People even lie about the number of kids they have or whether they have kids at all. There are some red flags that help separate the good guys or gals from the bad. Learn to recognize those red flags.

• Inconsistent Information
  If the person you are interested in is inconsistent in their description of themselves, their lives, past relationships, or current work situation, that may mean they're lying. For instance, be wary of someone claiming to be 25 but uses terms and phrases more typical of a 40-year-old.
• Sudden Hang-ups
  Once you start talking on the phone, sudden hang-ups, frequent "dropped calls," or speaking in hushed tones typically means your new interest is not single like their online profile claims.
• Restricted Phone Calls
  If your potential love interest calls you at odd hours, only calls you at certain times of the day or night, instructs you not to call, or tells you to call only at certain times, it's possible that your new friend is not single as he or she pretends to be. If your new friend forbids you to call his home phone or text him at all he is probably hiding something or someone.
• Wanting too Much Information too Soon
  Anyone pushing for too much personal information -- e.g. your home address, work address, type of car, etc. should be approached with caution. This person may want to steal your identity or break into your house. Be very cautious when divulging personal information.
• Very Interested in your Financial Situation
  Anyone that seems overly interested in your financial situation should be approached with extreme caution. Also, anyone who willingly shares his or her financial problems should be watched closely. And for sure, if someone asks you for money to cover one of their debts or financial issues, turn and walk the other way. And, it goes without saying, never share bank information with your new friend; including having him or her go with you to the ATM.

Online dating is becoming a very popular and viable option for those looking for companionship and love. There are sites out there for just about anyone; from single parents to single seniors and even single HIV positive people and for those who have STDs. And while a few years ago online dating was thought to be inferior to the old fashion way, today it is an accepted and even preferable choice; resulting in meaningful relationships and even marriage. But sadly, the culture we live in dictates that we take every possible precaution when meeting someone new online. But if you follow the simple and common sense rules we have talked about here, the love of your life could be no more than a mouse-click away.

_Sources

_{Cunningham, A.; "Dating Safely Online: Dating Red Flags"; RomanceStruck.com; 2000.}

_{Tracy, J.; "Online Dating Safety Tips"; Online Dating Magazine; 2010.}