From Mark Cichocki, R.N.,
Your Guide to AIDS / HIV.
FREE Newsletter. Sign Up Now!

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by Susan Olender, MD

Domestic violence is not limited to heterosexual couples. Violence occurs against men, women and children. Abuse occurs in couples who are married, are living together or who are just dating. Abuse can be physical as well as emotional. Unfortunately, domestic violence and abuse are all to common. The first step in stopping the chain of abuse is to recognize when your are part of an abusive relationship.

Are any of these statements true about your relationship?

• Does your partner put you down and make you feel ashamed?

• Does your partner tell you what to do and who you can see?

• Has your partner ever pushed or hit you, or forced you to have sex?

• has your partner ever threatened to hurt you or your family?

If you answered "YES" to any of those questions, your partner is abusive and you are in an unsafe relationship.

Abuse usually gets worse and can impact your health. The most important step to take once you realize you are in an abusive relationship is to make sure you are safe. here's how you can protect yourself:

• Talk to someone you trust such as clergy, other family members, social workers, your doctor or good friends about what going on at home.

• Plan where you will go in the event you have to leave home to protect yourself. Do this even if you think things will never get that bad. This should be a safe place, unknown to your partner, where you can make a call for help.

• Keep a crisis line phone number on hand or commit it to memory in the event you have to leave in a hurry. Keep some change or a calling card, or have a fully charged cell phone on you at all time so you'll be able to make emergency calls.

• Plan and practice an escape route from your home in the event of violence. Identify which windows, doors, or stairwells would be best to use.

• Leave an "emergency kit" with someone you trust such as a friend or another family member outside of your home. The kit should include money, important telephone numbers, important papers, keys, medicine, and other items you and your children would need in the event you would have to leave the home in a hurry.

• Discuss your safety plan with your children, including a safe place where they should go and who they should call in the event you get separated. Agree on a secret word that tells them to go to the agreed upon safe place in the event you are not able to talk with them freely or are unable to leave the home together.

• If you are in immediate danger and are able call 911.

Domestic abuse is a terrible thing. You deserve to be healthy and safe in your relationship. If your partner is hurting you or your children, talk with someone you trust...they can help.