- Talk with your HIV physician. Your treatment team can give you some guidance on how and when to discuss your HIV status with your child. In some cases, your treatment team will assist you with disclosure, allowing you to talk with your children at an office visit with the treatment team on hand to assist if necessary. Depending on your treatment team, there may be test counselors or social workers available that can help you disclose your status to your children. They are very experienced with regard to disclosure and can offer valuable information that will help.
- Before starting your conversation, know your disease. Most likely your child will have questions so you should be prepared to offer them accurate information.
- Have confidence in your child's ability to cope and understand what you are about to tell them. Kids are tougher than you think. While they may get upset, angry, or afraid initially, most will get through the process unharmed.
- Set aside plenty of time in quiet surroundings for the discussion. HIV is a complex subject and your children are about to hear some frightening and confusing news. Give them the time they need and deserve to assimilate the information you are about to give.
- Follow your child's lead. Many times their questions can be a nice way to get the conversation started. If your kids don't ask the question that gets the ball rolling, find a good starting place such as an HIV ad on television or a research project at school.
- Provide the information in simple terms your child can understand. Keep the discussion age appropriate but don't side step the issue. Use the terms HIV positive or AIDS. The more your kids hear the terms the more comfortable they become with them.
- Be honest with your child. If you are uncomfortable with the subject matter chances are they are too. Share your feelings with them. The feelings of you both can become a common link that will make the discussion easier.
- Listen to what they have to say and encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. Tuning them out or dismissing their feelings will make the process almost impossible.
- Expect all the emotions that may go with your kids finding out their parent has a disease. Be prepared to deal with their anger, fear, rejection, crying, etc. Try and understand your child's reaction, allowing them to express their emotions without judgment. Be prepared to talk about death and dying.
- If old enough, point them to areas on the Internet or provide educational material they can review in private. They may be more comfortable with this type of learning which will help them better understand your disease.
- Make sure they know you will listen whenever they need to talk.
Sources: Buch, A.; "Talking with Your Children About Your HIV Status or Your Children's Status"; The Well Project; July 2005. Dawson, L.; "Should You Tell Your Children You Are HIV Positive?"; Body Positive Magazine; Oct 1997. Rizzo, V.; "Living With Illness Tip Sheet - Talking With Children About a Parent's Serious Illness"; Retrieved on 24 May 2008 at http://www.helpstartshere.org/Default.aspx?PageID=54#chronic Silverio, R.; "To Disclose or Not to Disclose: The Dilemma Confronting Families Living with HIV/AIDS"; Gay Men's Health Crisis, 2003.
